The first page at the New York Times online posts the headline New York Council Approves Congestion Pricing Measure on 30-20 Vote.
I just don't believe this! It's bad enough that I have congestion ... but now NY is going to tax me on my Vick's VapoRub!
I’ve discovered the ideal tool to help me overcome writer’s block. Little Debbie Oatmeal Cream Pies. I found my husband’s hidden stash last night and ate one right before going to bed.
Oh, the dreams I had.
I dreamt I was a Tibetan Monk smuggling domesticated cats past the Tibet border. Then I dreamt I was a CIA operative trying to find the owner of a white truck, simply because he had outstanding parking tickets. Then I dreamt I was a character in Lauren Weisberger’s Everyone Worth Knowing. Finally, I dreamt that I was a U.S. presidential candidate – a front running contender.
All of my dreams, except the last one seemed like dreams. I knew I could wake up at any moment and go back to my reality of snoring dogs and children talking in their sleep.
But, the presidential dream seemed so real. In my dream, we had to move into a larger, more secure house because the paparazzi were stalking me. My children needed bodyguards, I needed bodyguards, and my husband quit his job to maintain the house while I pursued the Presidential trail. Cars were driving me everywhere, my assistants and PR people were calling me every minute of every day to tell me where to go, whose hand to shake, who to schmooze up to and where to give a speech on what topic. It was overwhelming. I’m a total candy-ass … I could never work THAT hard. So, the dream was bordering on a nightmare.
At one point in my dream, I was in a debate and then followed it up with a press conference. I impressed myself. I said all the right things (i.e. things that the public WANTED to hear), I dominated the floor, and my opponent flailed with his responses. Then, when I met with the press, they were trying to stump me about Iraq, healthcare, national security, etc. I had clear-cut plans all arranged with feasible budgets. I had a vision for this country that incorporated the visions of Clinton, Obama and McCain. It was clear that I was going to win.
Then, I went and sat in my limo to go home that night (in my dream), with no one but two body guards, and sat in silence. Repeatedly, I kept saying to myself, “How am I going to deliver these promises? How am I going to do it? I’m inexperienced. Every Presidential candidate that ever came before me is inexperienced. I don’t think I can put the love and care into this country that I want to. How am I going to do this?”
When I woke up, I first realized that I could never get into politics. Too messy.
But, I also realized that our American Presidency is based on the same values of capitalism. These contenders aren’t where they are because they are 100% qualified. Rather, they are contenders because they are GOOD SALESMEN. Like a good salesman, they will figure out how to deliver only AFTER we have elected him (or her). Ah, capitalism. Gotta love it.
These contenders are telling us what we want to hear, and it’s up to us to figure out who the worst bull shitter is, and eliminate him (or her).
Money and lies rule the structure of our government. Leadership, intelligence, and experience are just qualities that we hope we can see in our candidates. We never really find out if our chosen President carries those qualities UNTIL he (or she) becomes President.
To convolute the process, we now have online social media driving the election process. It gets messier, because there are so many demographics to please and lie to. The messages are twisting and overlapping; truths become either heightened or quelled through proficient programmers and online researchers.
And I, like so many other voters, are confused. It’s not a simple choice. We’re in a senseless war, our healthcare program is pathetic, and our budget has hit an all time low. Who can fix it? Who is simply telling us what we want to hear? Who will be that President that once he (or she) makes office, he (or she) won’t be able to deliver? Who is being the most earnest? Whose experience speaks for itself?
I still don’t know.
The Associated Press published a
riveting article … OK, not really riveting, it was just more like one
of those articles that needed to get out because a deadline was looming
… about "What Clinton Must Do to Win."
Clearly, AP needed to
fill up some space because the responses varied from Congressmen to a
third grade teacher from Ohio. What is the world of journalism coming
to when AP turns to people like a third-grade teacher from Ohio? It
sounds like AP is taking crap-journalism lessons from Barbara Walters.
Anyhoo,
the list is long (again, deadline … wasted space), and the responses
asinine, such as "Show Passion," "Remember Iraq," "Go Negative," "Maybe
Not," "Grass-Roots Organize," and "Steady as She Goes."
I love
this! It's like armchair quarterbacking for politics … from every
"expert" including a third grade teacher from Ohio … sorry for the
repeat … that one irks me. Probably because I'm not on this panel. Know
why I'm not on this panel? Because my responses make the most sense!
Hillary, here is what I think you need to do to win this election:
MORE
BOOBS – OK, everyone knows that sex sells. I've seen your rack … for an
old broad it isn't that bad. I say, wear low cut and see-through
shirts. Show some boobage. Men don't give a crap what you have to say
Hillary; they just want to look at your boobs. That's all they want to
do with all of us women – look at our boobs. The words coming out of
our mouths are meaningless. If you want to get a man to do ANYTHING for
you, show more boobs. That's how I get my husband to take out the trash
and put his shoes in the closet.
SHOCK
JOURNALISM – People love to be shocked … that's why they watch the crap
local news every night. So, instead of going on and on about how you
are going to fix the budget, and provide everyone health care, bring up
9/11 again, bring up the Illinois shooting, bring up Iraq. Make us all
feel shocked and despondent. And, then show us your boobs to make us
all feel better.
BRITNEY SPEARS – Hang out with Britney. It
worked for Adnan, it worked for Lutfi and it worked for Brit's mom.
It's simple math … one paparazzi pic with Britney will boost your
interest ratings by 150%. My suggestion? Go hang out at RiteAid in the
Family Planning aisle with her, maybe get a tattoo together, or better
yet, have a make-out session with her. That'll definitely get the male
vote!
FEEL
THE BREEZE – Speaking of Britney, try going out one night without
panties. Oh, er, better yet, don't. The boobs are nice. You're kind of
old … we'll leave it at that.
HAVE AN AFFAIR – Have a
one-nighter with someone hot, someone that every woman and man would
sleep with regardless of their sexual orientation … like George
Clooney. Nah, we're a puritanical country. Crap like that only works in
France (see Suck-Assy picture below ... sorry, I mean Sarkozy).
INVENT
SOMETHING … ELSE – Al Gore invented the Internet, George W. Bush
invented the dumbest President, ever, and we all know that you invented
the pantsuit. Invent something else … something new … something
original … like a mass voting machine that will rig the votes
(particularly in Florida) so that the Supreme Court will rule that
you're the President.
So, there's my two cents. Good luck Hill!
HELP ME WIN! Like every frickin’ politician, I NEED YOUR VOTES! We only have between Monday, February 11 and Sunday, February 17, 2008!
Visit the following link, register (login) to vote and then VOTE FOR ME! You can vote up to 14 times in one day!!!
Political Pundit Challenge at http://broadcasting.projectbreakout.com/media_page/entry_id/7
Then, spread the word!!
The winner of this competition will win enough money to buy teeth whitener, a plunger and a pair of matching shoes. But that's not all! If I win, I will become a field reporter for Project Breakout at the Democratic or Republican National Convention!
So, to go Political Pundit Challenge, register, and then vote for me between Feb. 11 through Feb. 17, and I'll be your best friend .... maybe I'll even buy you a beer ... or a plunger!
I had to double check the lede to make sure I wasn't reading the Onion:
NEW YORK (AP) -- An outage has disconnected BlackBerry smart phones across North America.
AT&T Inc. says the disruption Monday is affecting all wireless carriers. AT&T first learned about the problem at about 3:30 p.m. ET.
There's no word on the cause or when the problem might be fixed.
BlackBerry maker Research in Motion did not immediately return a phone call.
**********
He didn't return the call? Hmmm, did they try sending an email?
And, I'm wondering how many BlackBerry users are at home right now, enjoying a drink and some TV?
Kinda makes me wanna buy a BlackBerry now ... let's cross our fingers that this is an ongoing trend.
In an effort to unitify (that's Bush speak) the Republicans, Romney has combed his hair for the cameras for the last time. I'm kind of sad. Now I'll have to shelve all of my hairspray jokes. Dammit. I was actually planning on voting for him because he gave me soooooo much material. OK, not really. But, damn, I'm bummed. But, damn, this is interesting.
Why? Well, it could very well be a manipulation by Romney over Huckleberry … I mean Huckabee. Why can't I get his frickin' name right? Anyhoo, with Romney dropping out of the race, he is now urging Conservatives to unify behind a leading candidate, and that candidate would be McCainaraynah…. hey, McCainaraynah. To me, this appears as a direct slap in the face of staunch Republicans. Maybe Romney ain't so bad after all. Nah, he's a politician … he's bad.
So,
I'm bummed because this means it's McCain vs. Huckleberry. With the
Republican race in the state that it's in, it could become smooth
sailing for McCain, or it could become a mangled mess. Huckleberry has
the ability to truly undermine McCain's Republican "conservativeness,"
(is that a word?) by going on an all out attack on old Johnny boy.
This, in turn, would sway all those middle-of-the-roaders to turn left.
As a result, that would put the ball in the Democrat court, which would
put mud on Huckleberry's face. Scary, I tell you, because our ONLY
choices would be Democrat or Democrat Light. 
Or, worse yet, Huckleberry could become a contender. Holy Crap is all I can say to that!
Or,
weirder yet, Huckleberry drops out, so that the Republican race boils
down to Conservative McCain vs. Liberal McCain. Ooooh, now THAT would
be interesting.
It's snowing in DC. Finally.
We had ONE
snowstorm in November, and after that, the weather was trying to be
winter. Today, a beautiful white blanket is covering the undead grass
and trees with leaves. You know what means? It means I have about one
more hour to finish this blog before some branch lands on a power line
and leaves me with an afternoon of writing via old school – you know,
pen on paper.
I have to say, I have been enjoying the warm
weather this winter. But, those moments are quickly quelled by
Eco-guilt. The devil on my shoulder says, "Ain't this great." But, the
angel on my other shoulder, clad in an organic dress with eco-friendly
wings says, "It's supposed to be cold. What are you doing to save the
Earth?" At which point, I get up and walk through the house, turning
out every light, including the night lights, gather empty soda cans for
the recycle bin and stack all the paper printed on one side into a pile
for re-use on the other side.
Ah,
I feel better. OK, not really. The earth is heating up. I shouldn't
feel good about this at all. To make it worse, even Weather.com, in
some ignorant way, is teaching us to feel good about the Earth heating
up. The next time you visit the site, pull up a ten-day report for your
zip code. The drop down menu allows you to see your "fitness comfort"
as it relates to the weather.
Since
when should we be concerned about "fitness comfort?" Excuse me, but I
seem to recall in the olden days (is "olden" a word?), when it actually
snowed outside during the winter season, that people used to go to the
gym, run on a treadmill while watching Gilligan's Island reruns, or
even, if they had enough over-head space, jump with a jumping rope. WTF
is up with this comfort level? 
Global
warming is not something that we have conveniently created so that we
can be comfortable. We just can't take comfort to this level of
eco-destruction. Because, believe me, this "comfort level" will be
temporary. After that, it will major shifts in temperatures, the end of
rain forests, deaths of habitats and endangered animals, the rising of
oceans, and the end of Florida (see Scientific American February 2008 –
On News Stands Now!).
I can't believe, in my lifetime, that
I'm watching the northern ice caps dwindle into a place where people
can go boating for fun. This is not fun. This is not even cool, pardon
the pun.
So,
before I get off my soapbox, I just want to challenge you today to step
out of your "comfort level" and pick one, two, or maybe even 12 things
you can do to slow down our Peri-menopausal Planet.
Then, take
it one-step further. I challenge you. Practice sustainability. Don't
buy useless junk. Purchase products you can trade-up. For instance,
Sony allows you to return their broken products to trade-up for a
working item. Sony then takes those items and utilizes the parts, so
that fewer items go into our landfills, which ultimately destroy our
ozone. Here is more info: Sony Recycle
Finally,
one more challenge, if you have the means to do so. Make your home
eco-friendly. Install solar-powered panels, don't waste water, purchase
eco-friendly water heaters . Oh, the list is endless.
Here are some simple things to do that helps. And believe me, every little bit DOES help!
I found this online:
1. Turn off lights.
2. Turn off other electric things, like TVs, stereos, and radios when not in use.
3. Use rechargeable batteries.
4. Do things manually instead of electrically, like open cans by hand.
5. Use fans instead of air conditioners.
6. In winter, wear a sweater instead of turning up your thermostat.
7. Insulate your home so you won't be cold in winter.
8. Use less hot water.
9. Whenever possible, use a bus or subway, or ride your bike or walk.
10.
Try to buy organic fruits and vegetables if you're concerned about
pesticides. (Organic food is grown without manufactured fertilizers
and/or pesticides).
11. Don't waste products made from forest materials.
12. Use recycled paper and/or recycle it. Reuse old papers.
13. Don't buy products that may have been made at the expense of the rainforest.
14. Support products that are harvested from the rainforest but have not cut down trees to get it.
15. Plant trees, especially if you have cut one down.
16. Get other people to help you in your cause. Make and/or join an organization.
17. Avoid products that are used once, then thrown away.
18. Buy products with little or no packaging (I know, it's hard to do when you have kids!)
19.
Encourage your grocery store sell environmentally friendly cloth bags
for people to use when they shop, or bring your own. (My local Trader
Joe allows people who do this to enter a contest for free groceries for
a month!)
20. REDUCE, REUSE, & RECYCLE.
21. Compost.
22. Buy recycled products.
23. Don't buy pets taken from the wild.
24. Clean up dog poop with biodegradable poop bags.
25.
If you have a good zoo nearby, (if the animals are healthy and the zoo
takes care of them), support it! Especially if they help breed
endangered animals.
26. Don't buy products if animals were killed to make it.
To Recycle your appliances if you are in Minneapolis or Los Angeles
For activists
Thanks for reading!
Warning: The Earth is Dying.
Meanwhile: Britney Spears drives through a red light.
Here we go again: Another oil spill. First San Francisco, then the Black Sea. Billions of sea life dead. Don't eat the crab!
On the flip side: Alicia Keys' MySpace sight is hacked.
Oh,
but wait: Bush supports his relationship with Musharraf and calls him
an ally, because he doesn't want to look like the fool spending $10
million on protecting Pakistan's nuclear warheads. That one doesn't
make sense – considering Musharraf just released 28 Taliban soldiers
from prison this week, put Bhutto under house arrest and imprisoned
lawyers in Pakistan who support democracy. This is Bush's ally? This
scares me. 
Important!
Norman Mailer, a man who stabbed number two wife (out of six) and
believed that women should be kept in cages, died. Great writer …
greater prick.
As a side note: Over one million people have died due to the Iraq war and 500,000 war veterans are homeless.
Hold
the press! Stagehands blame Theater Management for the strike. Theater
Management blames the Iraq war. Hey, the blame has to go somewhere!
Oh
no! Date rape drug inside recalled toy Aqua Dots. I have to throw my
son's toy out. He put those beads in his mouth. I know! Let's make the
Chinese toy manufacturers eat the Aqua Dots, and then we'll prick them
all!
But, wait: Jerry Seinfeld's Bee Movie
brings in $26M over the Weekend. Meanwhile, Seinfeld promotes his
wife's cookbook. I saw him on Letterman. It was a lot like watching
QVC, "Now I'm selling this … now I'm doing that … go see my movie!" Ugh.
Meanwhile:
South Africa displaces poverty-stricken post-apartheid residents in
order to create soccer camps for the 2010 World Cup. Disgusting.
BREAKING
NEWS! Victoria Beckham has a 23-inch waist. Who gives a f***.
Apparently Barbara Walters does. Maybe Dan Rather should teach that old
bag a few lessons on valuable journalism.
Today in the news: More children are left behind from the No Child Left Behind program. We're screwed.
Interesting! Giuliani, the cross-dressing ex-mayor of New York, gets evangelical support from Fat Pat Robertson. Eeeewwww!
Finally, we must not forget:
To
thank our WWII veterans, who fought a war against a man who believed
that his race and religion was superior to the rest of the world. At
Hitler's command, thousands upon thousands of innocent people died.
Hitler created a senseless war, to govern more countries, to own more
resources, to boost Germany's defense spending, and to inflict his
belief system on the rest of the world. The similarities are
frightening, aren't they?
Anne Curry of the Today show interviewed Jenna Bush
today. Miss Bush is promoting her new book, which I won't mention,
because I'm not promoting her new book.
Anyhooo, it looks like that apple doesn't roll very far from the Bush tree.
Anne Curry asked Jenna what it was like being the President's daughter, and Jenna replied:
"I hope one day to be a mother or father like they are."
WRONG!
So, I rewrote it, wondering if maybe punctuation might fix the quote.
"I hope one day to be a mother, or father, like they are."
Again, WRONG!
I wonder what story time with Daddy was like for Jenna and Barbara?
Well, the White House bubble rolled out last week, flubbing along with a load of bull-shit.
In
a speech to build on his Thursday prime-time address, President Idiot
said that he laid out a plan to move forward that will bring both sides
together.
First, let me say, this appears to be his first and ONLY effort to be a uniter. And second, let me say, "What a load of shit."
There
was no coming together at his prime-time address. It was him saying
that the war in Iraq is being won – ah, but he didn't say by who! And
then he asked for patience. How is that coming together?
In
his load of crap speech, he said, "Whatever political party you belong
to, whatever your position on Iraq, we should be able to agree that
America has a vital interest in preventing chaos and providing hope in
the Middle East."
OK, let's look at this quote more closely:
"America
has a vital interest in preventing chaos and providing hope in the
Middle East." First, I believe it was our idiot leader who created the
chaos in an effort to find some Weapons of Mass Destruction, which he
never mentioned in his 18 minutes speech, by the way. Second, we don't
have a vital interest in this, he does! It's his oil. Third, if it's a
VITAL interest, that means that it's necessary to the maintenance of
life. I don't know about you, but Iraq isn't going to sustain my life –
healthcare, economy and education are! My vital interests are on my own
turf! Before the war started I didn't give a shit about Iraq – I was
more concerned with the economy and my rising health insurance costs!
How about you?
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